The Picture Proves Otherwise

In honor of my new layout and the 654932⁵⁴³³ times I've listen Black and Gold by Sam Sparro this week, I give you entry three...

You know how children think they can fly, but in reality they can't? And how that unassailable view of themselves extends to all facets of their life including fashion? I'm talking about that developmental time in a kid's life during self-discovery where anything goes until it doesn't. The time where pink is the new blue and orange is all the rage and I hate hate polka dots, but I absolutely must have stripes. And zebras.

This proving to be quite the set-up... One such unshakable moment in my childhood occurred on a Sunday morning with my dad. Per the now voided custodial agreement, I had spent the weekend at his house and while I'm certain I had too much fun, too much parenting, and too many sweets, I did not have too many clothes.

Or at least I didn't have too many clothes that would pass the I-have-taste test. Well...I'll just post the picture so you can harshly judge me as I deserve:

Exhibit A: My Parents Do Not Love Me

I'm not really sure why parents listen to their children. For one that dress is fucking humongous. It's faux velvet with gold applique!!!!!!! *OMG dies a millions time* I look like a bar maiden crossed with a Medieval scallywag. This whole look is erroneous. I mean, I know there are worse things in the world besides white, patterned tights (paired with obviously black dresses), but I can't help but feel that this is a travesty.

The kicker is, I distinctly remember being SO PROUD of how I looked that day. I just thought it was THE BEST OUTFIT EVER IN THE HISTORY OF OUTFITS EVERYWHERE. AND EVERYONE TAKE A PICTURE OF THIS FOR POSTERITY. THIS LOOK CANNOT BE ALLOWED TO DIE OUT. SERIOUSLY.

I mean look at my body language--my hands on my non-hips (should've enjoyed that longer), the boastful shoulders heighten by the puffy sleeves, the erect, miniscule posture, the averted gaze like "I'm too posh to look into the camera..." Just WTF was going on that people let this happen?

I mean I have a wrapping paper bow in my hair.

Enough said.