During my medevac period there was a week in which I experienced heightened panic. Every day from February 9th to the fifteenth my anxiety found ways to debilitate me whether from believing in the abject meaninglessness of being lost or simply being overwhelmed by an aimless stroll in the mall. In between the panics attacks of this baleful week one evening I found myself at the gym.
I wanted to test the hypothesis that exercise relieved stress. What I ended up doing was listening to Rihanna's Umbrella. One typically boring, suffocating night over the summer NCA and I had sung to each other over the telephone. It was my first time doing such a thing. It was an oddly delicate thing to do; the idea just popped into my head and the conversion from thought to almost melodious synchronization was magical. There is a part of me that thoroughly enjoys fits of frivolous fancy. It is the ease of laughter that diminishes barriers and encourages acceptance and yes, being stuffy (read: so dull) can foster an environment of positivity, but I'd rather be a deviously twinkling light in the world ready to do something silly and reach the sheltered places of those under duress.
So I listened to Rihanna singing in the key of I-don't-know-what at the top of my vocal cords allowing my thoughts to wander to futures unknown and to the gaiety and pain of past events. Settling myself down memory lane guided by the tunes of ella ella eh eh under my umbrella I tried to find reason in the chaos that precluded my medevac.
When the sun shines, we'll shine together
Told you I'd be here forever
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath I'ma stick it out to the end
On March 27, 2013 I took an oath to serve my nation. Standing beside NCA we made a pledge to protect and defend the constitution. Honestly, I hadn't the slightest clue as to how I could feasibly do that, but to the best of my abilities I promised myself that I would give my all in accomplishing the three goals set forth by Peace Corps.
