1. Do Whatever Is Necessary To Trust Yourself
When I was a teenager I used to be dishonest with myself and with others. The garbage coming out of my mouth was no good and I was left with a nasty aftertaste (like stale poptarts). So, I took to the straight and narrow path, began telling the truth, (! you don't have to be offensive/brash/candid to be honest) and trying to do "the right thing for the right reasons." Overtime, I gained a positive self image and self-confidence because I knew I was doing my best to be the best person I could be.
2. Take Time To Chillax
It's far too easy to be boggle with mindless task as well as with checklists, Major-Look-At-Me-Projects and concentrate on upward mobility. There is a place and time for endless/ruthless ambition and there is the minor snag that we are not robots. Willpower is a finite resource. I simply cannot do everything all the time. I need to relax. So sometimes I take a deep breath, do a questionable yoga pose, drink a mai tai at the beach, or languidly count to ten to remind myself that I am human and no where near omnipotent.
3. Forgo Generic Excuses For Justifications That Are Personal To You
Nobody wants to do their homework! Nobody wants to vacuum! Nobody wants to wake up early! These duties might as well be coded into our automatic nervous system with breathing. Menial labor needs to happen or your family will put on Hoarders: Buried Alive. Simply not wanting to do something that everyone else doesn't want to do, is special pleading. I try to find a valid reason to not do or to do anything that I'm less than gung-ho about doing (or not doing). There can be a purpose to every action. You have to be willing to find it.
4. Listen With Grace
I accept compliments with grace AND I try to accept criticisms with even more grace. When I'm receiving compliments and criticisms I know it is not the time for my feathers to be ruffled. It is the time to accept that I am doing something well or to accept that perhaps I need to do something better [be wary of hypercritical bastards]. At the end of the day, I know that I can accept whatever is stated to be true or just forget about it. It's up to me to respond in a way in which I keep my composure. Aside, if all else fails and you can't help but roll ur eyes like #yeahbitchwhatever #sorrybutnotsorry sashay away. Nobody pays me or you to listen.
5. Just Say You're Sorry
Impact will always triumph over Intent for me. Always. There is no need to walk on eggshells or be PC- the human experience is much too vast to constantly worry about offending someone-you will. The trick I use is recognizing which is more important: getting my point across or being empathic to the power of my words. If I have to offend someone I want that shit to be on purpose; I don't want to be known as having a lose tongue. It is a reflection upon myself as to what kind of public speaker I am and how well I communication my message that is the problem not the interpretation (communications 101). And yes, there are oversensitive people who are special snowflakes with special feelingz with special needs and special specials. But, forgiveness is up to the slighted, all I can do is say I'm sorry and change for the better. Likewise, all I can do is accept an apology as genuine.
6. The Question is "Why Not" Not "Why"
This proverb is more about power dynamics and the nags in my life. Sometimes I'll have an idea/scheme/solution/plan/other synonyms that a hater will come along and question. They'll try to paint me into a corner to defend my dreams. This is tacky thing to do especially given that they could theoretically assist in working out inconsistencies. Except no, sometimes people chose to be a skeptical asshat.The tactic I employ is to ask "why not?" I make them defend and spell out all their reasons for why they don't believe in me, why they think it's a silly idea, why they're faithless, why they're not on board with my vision, why yellow is blue, why I should stick with the ABCs and forget about the 123s. Everybody in the whole wide world needs to explain to me why I am not capable of X. I do not need to search my "inner heart" and find reasons to belittle myself and my dreams. So the next time someone is like "meh, I don't know." Be like, "why the fuck not ?"
7. Celebrate Good News
Puppies. Babies. The new season of Orange is the New Black. Shit you don't care about, but that someone shared with you anyways (Hi, not interested aaannnddd you knew that about me). I do my best to take a moment and congratulate the world on getting something right. I know that not everything good in the world is going to happen directly to me. Some days, the only seemingly good that will happen is me smiling at someone else's good fortune. Fight jealousy and envy. Be happy for others. Let them know their happiness matters to you. Praise baby Jesus. Throw a party. Give someone a high-five. Give me a high-five.
8. Put The Day Away
The luster of perfection has ruined a many of days. Some days I wake up on the wrong side of bed, get into a nasty argument, wallow in self-pity read: eat an entire family sized bag of cheetohs, forgot to pay a bill, etc. Other days, I find twenty dollars on the street, run into an old friend, eat an entire family sized bag of cheetohs, etc. No matter what happens, before I go to bed I say to myself, "I did the best that I could do with this day." Even if I didn't, the day is over and I cannot undo any actions done. That day is what that day is. There is no point in regret.
9. Have All Of The Feelings Ever
I encourage feeling ones feelings. I try to experience each feeling that I have to best of that feeling's capacities. Then I tell myself that they are just feelings. Feelings are emotional feedback to everyday experiences. They are not my world and they do not control me. If I feel angry then that signifies that I need to act. If I feel sad then that is the expression of an unfavorable outcome. If I feel rage then someone has crossed my boundaries. My feelings guide me through life. When I start my internal engine I check my thoughts, feelings, and perceptions. I don't go miles and miles and miles without an inspection. These things can be recalibrated for smoother sailings. They aren't finalized. They're fluid and ever complex. I can grow to manage my emotions.
10. All You Need is Love
I know deep within my soul to places undiscovered that I am loved. I know with every inkling of fire in my spirit that I am worthy. I know that I am a beautiful presence on this earth. Know these unshakable things about yourself. Insecurities are no match for the incontrovertible truths about the nature of mankind. Never feel unloved. Never feel worthless. It isn't true. It can never be true.
